Thank God (or someone) that this week is over. Camp was the worst. It wasn't helped by the fact that it rained almost every day, and every child and every counselor was confined to the rec hall, which is much too small.
The bright side of camp is that everyone has embraced farts and the sounds they make, which has become the perfectly timed comic relief when I feel like my head might explode.
I'm going to Maine with Sara this weekend and, though it's only two days and a night, I'm very excited to get away from everything and everyone that is around here. It's going to be such a pain to be stuck here when school starts, but hopefully there will be some people there that aren't as awful as the people that are already here. I guess I'm cynical, but I wouldn't be if everyone didn't suck so much.
My room is super clean now and has become my sanctuary. Sara comes over after work, we do our thing, and then recede into our respective rooms to do whatever we feel like doing, which usually consists of eating, watching tv, and often sleeping through the evening. This not only leaves me refreshed for work the next day, but it also lets me miss calls with an excuse and saves me from seeing people that I have no interest in seeing (which is almost everyone). When I'm at work I day dream about being in my room, cuddled in my bed, and reading a book or just sleeping the rest of the day away. Sleep has become my main motivation to get me through the work day, when I know for sure I'll be alone.
I guess I'm just jaded with the quality of people I've come to know. It hurts to know that someone you care about so much and think about so often can call you and fill your head with everything you've wanted to hear for so long and you genuinely believe it, until you wake up the next morning and realize that it wasn't true at all, not even a little bit. Besides my family, there are very few people that I can depend on, and it causes me to recoil. I've been hurt so often by people that I've come to care about that I'm starting to realize that it's just a part of life, and I've begun to expect it. I don't know if I'll ever find a [romantic] relationship where I'm not at the edge of my seat, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
All I can do is be me, whoever that is.
1 comment:
I have a lot to say on the topic of the jilted lover. You know where would be the best place to do so? On the group blog that I created!!! Only half JK'ing.
Theres a Jean-Paul Sartre quote that Ive been spreading lately, and it borders cliche-ville, but it is as follows:
"Hell is other people."
Perhaps there is a bit more than just a faint truth in that statement. Or perhaps it is the ultimate in cynicism. Who knows. Let's talk.
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