Postpone.

Oh, good morning.

Today was my first morning shift and I'm already really glad that I'm taking mornings. I work at Cleghorn now and, while the kids over there are great, I really miss my Wallace kids. Working at Cleghorn is great, though. I don't have to deal with parking meters or pre-school or walking kids to the bathroom. Plus, I work with/for Glenn and it's fun.

My mom has been bringing Eli to Doggy Day Care up by Target to "socialize" him, but she's been leaving Adam home. It's the most heartbreaking thing I've ever seen; every time a car goes by, Adam sticks his ears up with what I can imagine is hope that it's Eli coming home. He doesn't even want to play.

I'm supposed to be mowing the lawn now, but the grass is wet. Oh well! Guess I'll have to postpone that, too.

Sara and I have been postponing our business at FSC since Monday.

Postpone, postpone, postpone.

Maine.

Thank God (or someone) that this week is over. Camp was the worst. It wasn't helped by the fact that it rained almost every day, and every child and every counselor was confined to the rec hall, which is much too small.

The bright side of camp is that everyone has embraced farts and the sounds they make, which has become the perfectly timed comic relief when I feel like my head might explode.

I'm going to Maine with Sara this weekend and, though it's only two days and a night, I'm very excited to get away from everything and everyone that is around here. It's going to be such a pain to be stuck here when school starts, but hopefully there will be some people there that aren't as awful as the people that are already here. I guess I'm cynical, but I wouldn't be if everyone didn't suck so much.

My room is super clean now and has become my sanctuary. Sara comes over after work, we do our thing, and then recede into our respective rooms to do whatever we feel like doing, which usually consists of eating, watching tv, and often sleeping through the evening. This not only leaves me refreshed for work the next day, but it also lets me miss calls with an excuse and saves me from seeing people that I have no interest in seeing (which is almost everyone). When I'm at work I day dream about being in my room, cuddled in my bed, and reading a book or just sleeping the rest of the day away. Sleep has become my main motivation to get me through the work day, when I know for sure I'll be alone.

I guess I'm just jaded with the quality of people I've come to know. It hurts to know that someone you care about so much and think about so often can call you and fill your head with everything you've wanted to hear for so long and you genuinely believe it, until you wake up the next morning and realize that it wasn't true at all, not even a little bit. Besides my family, there are very few people that I can depend on, and it causes me to recoil. I've been hurt so often by people that I've come to care about that I'm starting to realize that it's just a part of life, and I've begun to expect it. I don't know if I'll ever find a [romantic] relationship where I'm not at the edge of my seat, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

All I can do is be me, whoever that is.

Yucky.

My dad left for Oregon this morning, permanently. I really have no idea what life is going to be like without him, but I can already tell that I'm not going to be sleeping much until he gets where he's going. He's driving across the country by himself and he estimated a ten day trip. This reminds me of the time that my brother Nick went to Cambodia and I woke up from a nightmare and left him a hysterical voice mail and cried myself to sleep. At least I have Miles over my bed to help me out, even if the clock on my wall ticks too loudly.

The past few days have been just awful. I'm sick of experiencing the same things over and over again. I really wish that there was someone out there to prove to me that not everyone is a shit head.

I can't wait for school to start.

I'm working at the Cleghorn branch of the after school program, and Glenn will be my boss. He's called me three times from the Radiohead concert tonight and sent me a picture. I made plans with Will to go see The Mars Volta in September (and whoever else wants to go) and I'm super psyched. Oh, how I love these boys of mine. Peter deserves a shout out, too, because he's a good one; maybe even great.

Shit, I really wish I had been paying attention to this episode of SVU.