Time to recant.

Not because I was told to, but because the last entry was written off emotions, so this one should be too. It's easy to forget that reaching out to someone can be as easy as walking in the front door after a long day. When I got home I was prepared to spend the entire night curled up in bed, wallowing, and all it took was a conversation to turn my whole night around. It's amazing how just talking to someone can make you feel so much better, and I, like most people, often forget that and leave my misery to myself.

The support is there, it's just up to me to use it properly. I won't delete my last post because it is a very valid one, just not always. There will always be someone here for me, but sometimes it's just easier to feel sorry for myself than it is to admit that a turnaround is right downstairs.

I love you, mom. I'm slowly learning to grab your hand when you extend it. Please don't stop trying. (And thank you for not giving up, no matter how many times you wanted to.)

Use your resources.

It's really difficult to live in such a big house with someone who is so far away from you all the time. It gets hard to stand your ground when someone is always trying to pull it out from under you. Having someone to talk to is such a gift, and if it's not at your fingertips, it's often hard to grasp. The feeling of being closer to someone who is 3,000 miles away than to someone who is right downstairs is something that I still haven't settled into, but it is nice to think about the support that is being sent my way, even if it takes a little longer.

I guess I'm just finding it harder and harder to bend around her, and I'm afraid I might break. I know not to bite the hand that feeds, but what if the hand is balled into a fist? (A non-threatening fist, of course, but clenched nonetheless.)

I am successful for what I am. I am a dean's list student. I work part-time at a job that I love, and that loves me right back. I have friends and a car (that I pay for) and I am well-liked and well-received by almost everyone that matters. But it's that 'almost' that is sometimes the only thing that matters.